It's a tough thing to explain to people that you're 30 and aren't married and don't have any serious prospects for a wife on the horizon. Geez, there are people who have two divorces under their belts by age 30 and I hadn't had a serious girlfriend let alone walk down the aisle.
Those who were so concerned with my marital status began to think I wasn't being picky as I had claimed but either had commitment issues or was just plain unlovable. The more time that went by the more the whispers swirled around me from those that speculated why I wasn't married.
Then there were those who tried to fix the problem by fixing me up with single women they knew. If you ever want to know what others think of you and how they see you, have them fix you up on a blind date. I had a strict no blind dates rule and it was well known. There were two occasions after I turned 30 that I wore down in response to the constant badgering by the fixer-uppers in question. In both circumstances the dates were a disaster...the women who were "just perfect for me" weren't even close to being a good match for me nor I them. After those two blind dates, my rule against being set up went back into place and was never waived again for anyone regardless the length or intensity of the badgering.
The worst times were weddings, and there were many of them. I had to go because the weddings either involved friends, family, or co-workers...people you have to show up for. Sitting in a pew during the ceremony and in a folding chair at the reception and dance without a plus one was excruciating. Looking at all the happy couples dancing and laughing and having fun and seeing the single women having a good time without needing to include me in their post-wedding festivities. Then I began to wonder if I was being too picky or was just unlovable. My self-esteem plummeted. I'm a good looking guy so why can't I get a second glance from women? What is wrong with me?
An answer didn't present itself to me so the only thing I knew to do was to throw myself into my work and pursuing my graduate degree which only proved to be a distraction but did nothing to stem the tide of ever-increasing bitterness and hurt...and anger. It's one thing if I knew why I was so hideous to women but I had no clue.
Once Sunshine walked into my life and her attraction to me became clear, I still didn't know why other women weren't attracted to me but I knew very well that Sunshine was. And I knew that such an extraordinary woman was one who I didn't want to let go. This was my chance - maybe my only chance - to get the happily ever after I had been seeking. No one and nothing was going to take away this chance at the one woman who had been so unexpectedly and delightfully dropped right into my life.
Once Sunshine and I began our affair, things changed for sure, it was amazing to see how other women suddenly took an interest in me, noticed my looks and talents, and wanted to spend time with me. Why I'm not sure but perhaps it was the new confidence I had knowing the answer to my question is "picky". When Sunshine and I went public my attractiveness to other women skyrocketed. But that's another story for another time.
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Eric Simmons is one of the two essential figures of The Sunshine Affair series. His journals turn his real-life experiences into a novelized version of the events Simmons lived. This blog provides insight on The Sunshine Affair series from this unique perspective.