It's a tough thing to explain to people that you're 30 and aren't married and don't have any serious prospects for a wife on the horizon. Geez, there are people who have two divorces under their belts by age 30 and I hadn't had a serious girlfriend let alone walk down the aisle.

Those who were so concerned with my marital status began to think I wasn't being picky as I had claimed but either had commitment issues or was just plain unlovable. The more time that went by the more the whispers swirled around me from those that speculated why I wasn't married.

Then there were those who tried to fix the problem by fixing me up with single women they knew. If you ever want to know what others think of you and how they see you, have them fix you up on a blind date. I had a strict no blind dates rule and it was well known.  There were two occasions after I turned 30 that I wore down in response to the constant badgering by the fixer-uppers in question. In both circumstances the dates were a disaster...the women who were "just perfect for me" weren't even close to being a good match for me nor I them. After those two blind dates, my rule against being set up went back into place and was never waived again for anyone regardless the length or intensity of the badgering.

The worst times were weddings, and there were many of them.  I had to go because the weddings either involved friends, family, or co-workers...people you have to show up for. Sitting in a pew during the ceremony and in a folding chair at the reception and dance without a plus one was excruciating. Looking at all the happy couples dancing and laughing and having fun and seeing the single women having a good time without needing to include me in their post-wedding festivities. Then I began to wonder if I was being too picky or was just unlovable. My self-esteem plummeted. I'm a good looking guy so why can't I get a second glance from women? What is wrong with me?

An answer didn't present itself to me so the only thing I knew to do was to throw myself into my work and pursuing my graduate degree which only proved to be a distraction but did nothing to stem the tide of ever-increasing bitterness and hurt...and anger. It's one thing if I knew why I was so hideous to women but I had no clue.

Once Sunshine walked into my life and her attraction to me became clear, I still didn't know why other women weren't attracted to me but I knew very well that Sunshine was. And I knew that such an extraordinary woman was one who I didn't want to let go. This was my chance - maybe my only chance - to get the happily ever after I had been seeking.  No one and nothing was going to take away this chance at the one woman who had been so unexpectedly and delightfully dropped right into my life.

Once Sunshine and I began our affair, things changed for sure, it was amazing to see how other women suddenly took an interest in me, noticed my looks and talents, and wanted to spend time with me. Why I'm not sure but perhaps it was the new confidence I had knowing the answer to my question is "picky". When Sunshine and I went public my attractiveness to other women skyrocketed. But that's another story for another time.

 
Experience the Sunshine Affair series at Amazon.com. Get Stolen Moments here:
http://www.amazon.com/Sunshine-Diary-An-Affair-ebook/dp/B00B29ALUC/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1373977240&sr=1-1&keywords=e+j+caulder

I'll keep you my dirty little secret (Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (Just another regret, hope that you can keep it). My dirty
little secret.     
“Dirty Little Secret” The All-American Rejects

My experience could be described as a mixture of Mission Impossible, Covert Affairs, Titanic, and Days of Our Lives. In short, a mess. But what an incredibly exciting mess it was.

Growing up, one of my bucket list items was not "have an affair".  After I met Tina and knew she was the woman I'd been waiting to meet since the moment I was first named, it was surprising how quickly my morals, ethics, and standards went flying right out the window. We both had a wild streak - hers easily seen, mine always under the surface. Being around Tina brought my wild streak out because I knew that no matter how wild my streak was, it would never scare her and it would never be larger than hers. She was a constant challenge to keep up with and I loved every minute of it.

I've always loved spy movies with their cloak-and-dagger intrigue as the hero tried to not only stay one step ahead of the villain but to run circles around him, enjoying the fact that the villain had not a clue where the hero was or what he was up to. There might be suspicion but no way to prove anything. The villain in this case was Sunshine's husband who proved day after day what a dick he was by the way he mistreated her but also how he didn't deserve a woman like her. Sunshine's husband was my constant source of amusement, my new hobby, driving him crazy by keeping him wondering what we were doing, but mostly by his futility in proving anything was going on between us. We were sneaky and good at being sneaky.  The danger of being discovered always fed our drug of choice - adrenaline.  We were almost discovered so many times but every time we managed to avoid discovery by one of Sunshine's eyelashes.

Sunshine and I loved the skulking around in the dark, discovery nearly around every corner.  Our late-night rendezvous at any number of locations, our secret signs in public, our phone conversations after her husband had gone to work and her kids to bed.  Being the "other man" was thrilling, knowing it was me she really wanted to be with because she wouldn't go through all this effort for any other man than me. An ego boost to be sure.

Being Sunshine's undercover lover didn't come without it's downside because I felt many times as though I was also her dirty little secret - a man she couldn't talk about because she might say too much and our affair would be revealed. So many life moments I wanted to share with her I couldn't because discovery meant and end to our relationship and not because her husband would have found out about us but her family, her friends, her church. Being Sunshine's dirty little secret was a gamble and risk I was willing to take because I knew if she got divorced, the way was paved for a happily ever after for us.

Until the day came when the villain did the unthinkable and damn near killed her because of her dirty little secret. The problem with driving a villain crazy is that they can do crazy and violent things in response. And that's when the mess began.


Experience the Sunshine Affair series at Amazon.com. Get Stolen Moments here:
http://www.amazon.com/Sunshine-Diary-An-Affair-ebook/dp/B00B29ALUC/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1373977240&sr=1-1&keywords=e+j+caulder